Literally I can't even with you right now.

Do You Even WANT This Job?

Have you ever met a person who was so insane that you couldn’t even believe your interaction was a thing that just happened? Like, for real? In real life. In this year. HUH??

Was this person trying to get you to hire them?

Lots of times, people have the best of intentions and their words don’t come out right or just aren’t organized. Sometimes, people have got a lot of great stuff to say, and just aren’t sure how to spit it out. Then there are times when people just love to hear themselves make words that claim to form sentences which parade around as answers to a direct question but which invariably evade the actual point and make you want to actually physically rip your skin off of your body.

As an interviewer, I want to know that the candidate I am speaking with is interested in the position. That they have at least some familiarity with the company. That, in some way, they care about getting the job and are willing to work to get it instead of just assuming they will be God’s Gift to Alison (for example). I want to feel that the words they are saying are genuine, that their skills and interests have not been exaggerated, and I want to know that if there are gaps in their skill set or employment, that there is some reason why it makes sense to their story. It’s all good; it just needs to work itself out.

I also want my interviewee to respect my position. I want to be asked questions about the job, the company, I want to see that they’ve put some thought into not just if they are right for the position, but if the position is right for them. I want them to be encouraged by my move up the ladder – to know that if they enjoy their time at our place of business and work hard, they could pursue promotions and other positions. I want to help someone grow the way that others have helped me. That’s a really rewarding part of being a hiring manager, for me, and I’m sure many others.

One way to make this all happen is to have some basic human decency. For starters, you may perhaps like to thank your interviewer for taking time to see you. You may like to avoid having the first goddamn words out of your mouth be invasive and demeaning “compliments” on your interviewer’s appearance. (For those of you who don’t know, this is otherwise known as “sexual harassment,” a very bad thing that gets people fired from positions, and definitely not hired to them.)

You may like to explain why it is you’re leaving your current position or looking for a new opportunity. You might like to avoid saying that your current company knows how much you hate being there, but that they’re very supportive of you “getting out of there and just doing something else.” That may imply that they don’t give a fuck if you leave forever and don’t have to pay you severance to please just get out, get out, GET OUT. “Yes! Please, do something else. Anything else! And don’t worry about giving us two weeks notice, you just go out there and chase your dreams!” 

You also may, and this is just a thought, want to avoid shouting out “I’LL TAKE THE JOB!” at the end of the interview after not providing any tangible reasons why you should be offered the job but providing plenty of reasons why you should absolutely NOT be offered the job. You will not be offered the job.

This has been a brief lesson in not being a douchebag while interviewing for an entry-level position.

xo, your future boss.

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